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Tag: spiritual retreat

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Jesus Desires Presence Over Production

peaceful lake on a afternoon in southeast Indiana

In this new season,  God is showing me he is more concerned about my relationship with Him and who I am becoming rather than what I do. I had been running the race of full-time vocational children’s ministry for over twenty years. For thirteen of those years, I was working full time while juggling motherhood.  

I wore the label of “doer” quite proudly. I have always been the high achiever type. As a 3 “The Achiever” on the Enneagram, I strive to DO everything with excellence. In every ministry I had the privilege to lead, I saw the need for improvements. I wanted to take the ministry to the next level. My gifts were putting structure in place, setting a vision for ministry, and helping families win at home. 

Recently, I was looking back through my journals. I’m not sure where I read this, but it is a beautiful reminder for all of us.  “Jesus desires presence over production.” Jesus doesn’t say perform for me. He whispers, “Draw near to me.” 

“Come near to God and he will come near to you.”

James 4:8 (NIV)

Honestly, I never considered the years of ministry work as performing. Yet, as I continue to spend time with Jesus and get closer to him, I have come to recognize that some of my identity was in what I did. As I spend time in silence and prayer,  I continue to hear Jesus whisper, Paula, I am with you. Your identity is not in what you do. Your identity is found in me. My dear child, you are my daughter. You are my beloved. Draw near to me. 

What about you? Is your identity found in what you do? Are you an achiever like me? I challenge you to take time this week to sit with God. Draw near to him, and he will draw near to you. 

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Grace In The Pace

little girl running

“Hurry is the great enemy of our spiritual life in our day. You must ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life.”  

Dallas Willard quoted in Soul Keeping

Recently when going to the airport to pick our adult children, I parked my car and hurried into the building entrance to catch the elevator. Standing there waiting for the elevator was a mom, her little girl, and a grandma. The mom said to me, “Looks like you are in a hurry!”  Stunned by her question, I said, “well, actually, I am early.” I was about 40 minutes early picking up our daughter. I nervously laughed and said, “I guess just naturally walk fast.” 

The other night I stopped by our grocery store to pick a few items. I had been gone all afternoon, traveling almost four hours round trip for a meeting with my state pastor. As I got out of the car, I noticed myself walking towards the entrance in a hurry. All of a sudden, when I got the produce department, I realized what I was doing. I purposely slowed down as I  walked through the rest of the store.

While I was sharing with my spiritual director today, I reflected on these stories. She shared something God showed her a few years ago while she was on a silent retreat at the Abby of Gethsemani.  While attending the 3:15 AM Vigils, she took notice of some of the monks coming in late, yet they didn’t seem to be in a hurry. Later, as she sat with that image, The Lord gave her the phrase “Grace in the pace”. 

GRACE IN THE PACE. WOW! That struck me. I am realizing that while I am on this journey…  God is teaching me to slow down. To look at the condition of my soul —to have grace in the pace.  

“Being hurried is an inner condition. A condition of the soul. Busyness migrates to hurry when we let it squeeze God out of our lives.”

John Ortberg, Soul Keeping

Note the difference between being “BUSY” and “HURRIED”:  

Busy

  • A full schedule 
  • Many activities
  • An outward condition
  • Physically demanding
  • Reminds me I need God

Hurried

  • Preoccupied
  • Unable to be fully present
  • An inner condition of the soul
  • Spiritually draining
  • Causes me to be unavailable to God

“Jesus was often busy, but never hurried.”

John Ortberg, Soul Keeping

Even when Jesus and his disciples had been out teaching all day, Jesus didn’t give them their next assignment and tell them to go on their way. He told them to come away with him and rest. He understood the importance of getting away and finding rest.

What about you? Are you busy? Are you hurried? Maybe God is calling you to slow down your pace. Maybe he is saying you need a little grace in your pace.  

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Catch A Breath

As I started 2020, I knew I was starting Something New – A Whole New Beginning. I told my husband I wanted to “catch a breath” as I started this new year, so I purposely scheduled a silent retreat in the second week of January. I would spend 3 days and 2 nights away in southern Indiana at The Springs.  The Springs is dedicated to providing a sacred retreat space for Christian Ministry Staff and Leaders. 

This was dedicated time to get away from the noise and busyness of daily life demands. It was a time to rest and reflect in silence and solitude – no television, internet, or cell phone reception!  

I knew this time away was going to be good for my soul.  I would spend time in prayer and specifically asking God what he wanted for me in this next season of ministry. 

However, before leaving for my retreat, I had a session with my spiritual director. She challenged me to sit in the space between the inhale and the exhale. Take this time to REST. Nothing more.

I love the way Ruth Haley Barton paraphrased Psalm 46:10 in her book “An Invitation To Retreat” 

“Be Still (literally let go of your grip), and know (experiential full-body knowing) that I am God.”

In other words, Let Go of Your Grip and EXPERIENCE Letting GOD be GOD in Your Life.

Ruth Haley Barton

God was calling me to let go and Abide in Him. I rested well those few days. I took a long walk and explored some of the beautiful 150 acres. I spent time praying and listening. I spent time reading, sitting and being still. 

“Spiritual disciplines are a means to prevent everything in your life from being filled up.  It means somewhere you’re not occupied and you’re certainly not preoccupied. It means to create that space in which something can happen that you hadn’t planned on or counted on.”

Henri Nouwen

When I asked the Lord to speak to me. He gave me the words, YOU are enough. Your identity is not being a children’s pastor. You are mine. I love you, Paula. 

What about you? Do you need to catch a breath? Do you need to hold space between your Inhale and your Exhale? You may not have the opportunity to get away for a few days, but you can take a few hours, perhaps a day to go to a park or go to a quiet coffee shop.  I would recommend grabbing a copy of Ruth Haley Barton’s book “An Invitation to Retreat” and diving in!

Make time for stillness and silence in 2020. You will be glad you did! 

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A Step Of Faith…

Photo of a dock on a lake

I have been in full-time Children’s Ministry for 17 years.  During that time…

  • I have loved the calling God has had on my life.
  • I have loved leading teams and growing the children’s ministries in three churches in Indiana, Arizona, and Ohio.
  • I have enjoyed connecting with parents while loving on babies and children of all ages.

It has been amazing—God has been so good!

However, over the past year, I sensed God calling me to something new. God has continued to put this passage from Isaiah before me. 

See, I am doing a new thing!
    Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
    and streams in the wasteland.

Isaiah 43:19 (NIV)

While Kevin and I were on vacation in late August,  I was listening to a podcast. The speaker talked about the attributes of Jesus. When she said Jesus surrendered to the will of his Father I began to weep. I knew it was time to surrender to what I have known and step into the unknown. I came back and told my pastor I would probably transition in June of 2020. 

Then, while on a personal retreat on October 10, I spent time praying and listening. I heard the Lord say, “Do you trust me?” I heard him say it several times that morning while sitting on a cabin porch.

Another time when I was sitting on the wooden dock at the pond. He said, “I am calling you out on the water. Are you going to step out?” I went home and told Kevin that knew it was time to submit my resignation and step out on the waters of uncertainty. in faith and trust that God will lead me forward.

Therefore, I submitted my resignation effective December 31, 2019. No, I am not leaving Salem Church of God to go be a children’s pastor at another church. I am simply stepping out in faith and trusting God will lead me where he wants me. 

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Can God Enlarge Souls Through Loss?

flower background with the question, "Can God Enlarge Souls through loss?

This question came out of my Emotionally Healthy Spirituality Devotional this morning. As I sat in the stillness of the morning pondering this question, I realized how much God has expanded the territory of my soul this past year. 

I’ve had some rough years. In the last four years, my husband and I had two big cross-country moves, my dad passed away and we suffered financial losses.  Looking back, I know I suffered from depression. I had hit a wall. I didn’t realize until recently how the grief and losses had a hold on me. 

On a September spiritual retreat, God allowed me space to work through my losses. I felt a breakthrough! On the other side of that wall, God expanded the territory of my heart. He healed my sorrow. He used that moment to give me a “Spiritual Awakening”. 

I can see how God is continuing to do a work in me. Throughout the year, I have sensed God is doing something new. He has consistently put Isaiah 43:19 in front of me. 

“For I am about to do something new.  See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?’’

Isaiah 43:19

I can not wait to see what will be birthed out of my past losses.  I believe he is enlarging my soul so he can do a new work through me.