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Abide in Me

“By relinquishing normal patterns of human striving and hard work, we can become aware of the vacuum we keep trying to fill by doing stuff and achieving things.” – Dallas Willard

Have you ever found yourself striving to get things done no matter the cost? I have. I was raised with a strong work ethic. If something is worth doing, it is worth doing right was my dad’s motto! So it didn’t surprise me that I became a “get it done kind of person.” I will work tirelessly until I finish something. 

In 2014, I had just celebrated my tenth year on staff at the church where I worked. I was blessed with a 3 month sabbatical. It took me a couple of weeks of working through my to do lists before I realized what God really wanted from me. He wanted me to stop the striving and start abiding. 

I started slowing down and spending time with Jesus. My morning quiet time became my favorite time of my day. I no longer wanted to hurry through my devotions to get on to the next thing on my list. I started lingering in the Word. I started journaling. I learned that Jesus wanted me to learn to be with Him. He showed me what it was to abide in Him. This sabbatical provided the much needed space to rest and to restore my spiritual health. 

A Slip Back into Striving

Recently, I found myself back in a striving mode. I was on staff at a large multi-site church. We were getting ready to launch a new campus. There was a lot to do. I had a to-do list a mile long.  I could tell my soul was quickly becoming weary.  I became full of anxiety and worry that I wasn’t going to be able to keep up. Did I mention I was a perfectionist who valued excellence! Ugh… 

Over time, as I spent time in God’s Word and in prayer,  Jesus reminded me of what he called me to do.. Abide in Him. 

“Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing. Anyone who does not remain in me is thrown away like a useless branch and withers. Such branches are gathered into a pile to be burned.  But if you remain in me and my words remain in you, you may ask for anything you want, and it will be granted! When you produce much fruit, you are my true disciples. This brings great glory to my Father.” John 5-8

I stepped away from that role 2 months ago. My anxiety has subsided. My soul is being restored as I am finding rest in abiding.  I am spending intentional time with Jesus. I am choosing His presence. A book that has helped me re-focus is Choosing Presence: How to Access God’s Peace and Release Fear, Anxiety and Stress by Jim Heaney.

I think Dallas was right. We have to relinquish the pattern of human striving and hard work if we are going to abide in Jesus. What about you, are you striving or abiding? 

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Necessary Endings Lead to New Beginnings Take 2

black hanging bridge surrounded by green forest trees
Photo by Kaique Rocha on Pexels.com

Well, I did it…again!

I was called to a great church to help launch a kids ministry at a new campus. We had a successful launch season this spring.  I knew I was there to build a firm foundation. I wasn’t on the team very long before I realized God was trying to get my attention. I was so busy doing ministry, my soul became very weary. I knew this wasn’t the pace of life He wanted for me. So, before long, I started having conversations about stepping away from that ministry position. Yes, the second time in 4 years, I stepped out in obedience. 

The definition of obedience found in Webster’s dictionary is the act or practice of obeying; dutiful or submissive compliance. God asked me to do something that requires more faith. I know He is calling me to a new ministry. 

God keeps putting this passage before me.

“For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.” 

Isaiah 43:19

I believe God is doing a new work IN ME… so he could do something new THROUGH Me.

I’ll share my journal entry from a few years ago;  “I’ve known for a while that you were beginning to do something new in my life. I know you have something for me, yet you are waiting for me to surrender my position as a children’s pastor to you, to put a date on the ending. “I’ve said before that I am surrendered, but have I really? I have held on to what I know. I’ve been in children’s ministry for almost 20 years. I’m a good administrator, good at visioning, and connecting with people. Lord, it’s time to release what I know and step into the unknown.” 

In his book, Necessary Endings, Dr. Henry Cloud says…. “Getting to the next level always requires ending something, leaving it behind, and moving on. Growth demands that we move on. Without the ability to end things, people stay stuck, never becoming who they are meant to be, never accomplishing all that their talents and abilities should afford them.” 

It’s time to end something to move on. I am stepping into something new. I love to champion those around me and feel called to coaching and supporting ministry leaders. Obedience to me looks like pouring into others and helping them succeed in ministry without suffering from burnout. I want to help others lead from a healthy soul. 

A friend sent me this quote this morning.

“Just because something isn’t part of your life plan doesn’t mean it’s not part of God’s plan. God is working His good, pleasing, and perfect plan for your life in 1,000 ways you aren’t even aware of. Everything in your past is preparation for something in your future. God wastes nothing! Even when you have a setback, God has already prepared your come back. The God who works all things together for good, will leverage every experience, every skill, every mistake, and every bit of knowledge you have acquired!” 

Mark Batterson, Chase the Lion—If Your Dream Doesn’t Scare You, It’s Too Small.

I can’t wait to see what doors God opens for me! In Hebrews 13:21 it says, “May he equip you with all you need for doing his will. May he produce in you, through the power of Jesus Christ, every good thing that is pleasing to him. All glory to him forever and ever! Amen.”  

I believe he will do what he promised! 

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Presence over Production

“Come near to God and he will come near to you.”  

James 4:8

The year 2020 has been interesting for all. COVID-19 found its way into our daily lives this past March. Whether you have lost your job, had to pivot your business or found yourself having to homeschool your children, I think everyone would agree, it has been hard!

I started the new year in a new season of life. I left my full time position as a children’s pastor at the end of 2019.  While I loved what I did, I stepped out as an act of obedience. God kept pushing me to step out of the known into the unknown. I stepped away not knowing what was next. 

I had been running a ministry marathon for seventeen years. I devoted myself to full time ministry all the while I juggled being a wife, mom, volunteer at my kids school, and a myriad of other hats. I was good at wearing the label “doer” quite proudly. 

I took the opportunity to rest and exhale during the month of January. When February and March rolled around, I figured it was time to look for my next ministry opportunity. I had conversations with two churches while COVID-19 shut down the country! As I continued in the conversations, neither seemed like the right fit. I continued to wait. 

May and June were busy with wedding preparations. Our daughter married the love of her life in Florida in mid-June. We were so thankful for a two week window where things had lifted for us to travel. While we had to reduce the number of wedding guests, we were blessed to witness their beautiful day with out any problems. God is good! 

July and August were filled with looking for more church staff roles. I spoke with three different churches and did a site visit for one. In this process, God made it very clear that he did not want me to “settle.” He had something much more than I could fathom. 

So I continue to wait. I continue to rest. God is showing me that he is WAY more concerned about my relationship with him and who I am becoming more than what I do.

The story of Mary and Martha shows us that Jesus prefers presence over production.  

“They came to a certain village where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. Her sister, Mary, sat at the Lord’s feet, listening to what he taught. But Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing. She came to Jesus and said, ‘Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.’

“But the Lord said to her, ‘My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.’”

Luke 10:38-42 (NLT)

As I reflect on the difference between Mary and Martha, Mary knew what was more important. Martha was too concerned with the preparations.  I admit. I have usually been a Martha. I strive for excellence in everything I do. As a leader, I  was always looking for ways to improve our systems. I wanted to take the ministry to the next level. I never thought of it as performing. Yet, as I come to understand my walk with The Lord, and grow closer to him, I hear his heart. He desires my slowing down. My listening. My seeking. My surrender. Jesus desires my presence over my production. 

“Jesus doesn’t say, ‘perform for me,’ he whispers, ‘draw near to me.’” 

—Lysa TerKeurst

What will you do… or not do today to draw near to him?

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Micah 7:7 | Waiting Is NOT Wasting

This is from my Facebook Live from Tuesday, May 19, 2020

Hey friends! Thanks for joining me today. 

I trust you are doing well today. It is another rainy day here in the Dayton area. Things are definitely green and lush!

I grew up on a farm and have a lot of family who farm around the area. I’m concerned for all the farmers who may have just planted their crops… Please know I am praying for you all! 

Friends…For some reason, the Lord keeps drawing me back to this topic of WAITING.  I’m not sure who this is for… but I trust God knows!  

Today, I am reading from Micah 7:7 from The New Living Translation. 

“As for me, I look to the Lord for help. I wait confidently for God to save me, and my God will certainly hear me.”

Micah 7:7

I’ve been listening to an audio book, “Fear Is Not the Boss of Me” by Jennifer Allwood. Jennifer loves Jesus. She wrote this book for women who are stuck and have let FEAR rule their decisions. Boy, am I getting a good kick in the pants! I am already listening to it a second time! I love her enthusiasm and her humor! I am being challenged to step out in faith! 

While I was listening yesterday, there was a quote at the beginning of her chapter where she talks about God never being late… but rarely is He early either. The quote by Louie Giglio punched me in the gut…  

“To US, waiting is wasting. To GOD, waiting is working.” 

Louie Giglio

OH, FRIENDS… did you catch that? God doesn’t waste ANYTHING… He is working in the waiting. It’s hard to sit in the waiting room, isn’t it? 

I know there have been seasons when I have been praying. And waiting. Praying and waiting. UGH.. it feels long and unproductive. But I need to remember that God hears my prayers and although I can’t see it… He is working! 

Be prepared… God is about to show off!! He isn’t about to waste the wait! 

Let’s pray.. 

Thank you father for your love. Thank you for the reminder that waiting isn’t wasted. Waiting is working. Today, many are in this season of waiting… 

  • Some are waiting for a loved one to come to know you. 
  • Some are waiting for healing. 
  • Some desperately want to be parents – and they are waiting for a baby. 
  • Some are waiting for test results about a diagnosis.  

Lord, you know their hearts. Remind them today that waiting is working. 

Today, I pray your blessings over everyone listening today. 

In Jesus name. Amen. 

Thanks for joining me today! 

Have a blessed day! 

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Psalm 46:10 | Be Still…

This is from my Facebook Live from Monday, May 18.

I trust you are doing well today.  I’d love to share a verse that God has placed on my heart for today. This passage can be found in Psalm 46:10.

“Be still, and know that I am God!”

Psalm 46:10

I had been a children’s pastor for eleven years before I finally discovered what it meant to “Be Still”. Y’all I was 50 years young!! 

I was blessed that my church had given me a 3-month sabbatical – as it was custom for pastors after serving 10 years there.

There was nothing that I was “supposed” to do on this sabbatical – no studying, writing papers, visiting churches – and that bugged me!  So I got busy doing tasks. The first few days I deep cleaned my house, I ironed all our clothes and painted the front porch. After I finished checking everything off my “to do” list, I checked the calendar. I was a week and a half into my sabbatical. It was going to be a lo-o-o-ong summer!

It took three weeks before I began to be still. Eventually, I discovered why stillness and solitude are important. God wanted a relationship with me. I was too busy doing when He just wanted me to be with him.

Sitting in stillness and silence was such a new thing for me. I had been faithful at doing devotions and praying, but sitting in STILLNESS and LISTENING for God’s voice transformed my relationship with Christ that summer. 

At the beginning of Psalm 46 it says…God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. 

What can you do today to take time to just be still and feel God’s love for you? 

I would like to encourage you to take some time today to do this little exercise… Close your eyes and say this verse slowly – taking in some deep breaths.. 

Be

Be Still

Be Still and know

Be Still and know that

Be Still and know that I

Be Still and know that I am

Be Still and know that I am God. 

Take time to be still and let God speak to your heart.

Thanks so much for listening! Let’s go to God in prayer… 

Heavenly Father, Thank you for being with us this day. Thank you for hearing our prayers. I continue to pray for those who are experiencing loss from COVID 19. I pray for those who are on the front lines. I pray for the leaders who are making decisions to open up our states and economies. Lord, give them wisdom. 

Today, I pray your blessings over everyone listening today. 

In Jesus name. Amen. 

Thanks for joining me today! Tomorrow I will be sharing about Emotionally Healthy Spirituality. I can’t wait to share some insights about how our emotional health and spiritual maturity are connected and how we can all benefit by being emotionally and spiritually healthy! 

Also… If you would like more inspiration like this, you can go to my website paulakayspear.com and subscribe to my email newsletter and get a free devotional.

Have a blessed day! 

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Psalm 138| Faithfulness

This is from my blog post from May 4, 2020.

Hey friends! Thanks for joining me today. I hope you had a wonderful weekend! I was happy to get some flowers and some herbs for our patio! 

Something else that was fun… My daughter’s future mother-in-law and I hosted a Pampered Chef virtual bridal shower with Mariah and Zack this weekend. The consultant had us gather yesterday for a Zoom call with her bridal party, family, and friends to celebrate them since we were not able to do a traditional shower. 

So Today, I will be reading  Psalm 138 from The Message. 

“Thank you! Everything in me says “Thank you!”
    Angels listen as I sing my thanks.
I kneel in worship facing your holy temple
    and say it again: “Thank you!”
Thank you for your love,
    thank you for your faithfulness;
Most holy is your name,
    most holy is your Word.
The moment I called out, you stepped in;
    you made my life large with strength.

When they hear what you have to say, God,
    all earth’s kings will say “Thank you.”
They’ll sing of what you’ve done:
    “How great the glory of God!”
And here’s why: God, high above, sees far below;
    no matter the distance, he knows everything about us.

When I walk into the thick of trouble,
    keep me alive in the angry turmoil.
With one hand
    strike my foes,
With your other hand
    save me.
Finish what you started in me, God.
    Your love is eternal—don’t quit on me now.”

Psalm 138

This passage takes me back to last fall, 2019.  I was in a season where God was asking me to surrender my position as the Children’s Pastor at Salem. He made it clear to me in July that I was to step away at the end of the year. Now, I am stubborn and I am a planner. I knew our daughter was getting engaged and would probably have a summer wedding. SO financially speaking, I thought June made more sense! In October God made it very clear… he spoke to me and “Do you trust me, Paula?” You guys… He asked me 3 times! Well, as most of you know. I did leave my position at Salem on December 31. 

The Lord has had me on a journey these past few years. He has shown me that slowing down, being still, and listening for his voice is so essential in my growth as a Christ-follower – especially in our busy culture.   I think that is why I love the passage so much that I shared last week from Jeremiah … “But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence. They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water.” God continues to grow my roots along the riverbank – I am a continual work in process! 

I guess I am sharing all of this because I know some of you need some encouragement today. I know you are weary.  Friends, God is faithful – He has a plan for your life.  God loves you. God sees you. God hears your prayers. Continue to praise him through your trials… He is not going to give up on you! 

Thanks so much for listening! Let’s go to God in prayer… 

Oh precious Heavenly Father, Thank you for being with us this day. Thank you for giving us the strength to continue to navigate these trying days and thank you for hearing our hearts. 

Today, I pray you will be with everyone who is listening to the sound of my voice. I pray you will wrap your arms around them. I pray you will hold them close and allow them to feel your presence. 

Heavenly Father, 

  • I pray for parents and children as they are wrapping up their school year. 
  • I pray for the high school and college grads who aren’t able to be celebrated    
  • I pray for our state and national leaders as they implement the plan to open our states back up. 
  • I pray for those who are on the front lines: first responders, doctors and nurses, people responsible for cleaning the hospitals and nursing home facilities. 
  • I pray for all those who have lost jobs. I pray for those going back to work today, that you will bless them and encourage them. 
  • I pray for family members experiencing health crises right now. 

Oh Father, thank you for the privilege to come to you in prayer. We ask these things in Jesus’ name, Amen. 

Thanks for joining me today – you are loved! 

Have a blessed day! 

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Matthew 11:28-29 | Come to Me

This is from my April 22, 2020 Facebook Live Post

The passage I will be reading is from Matthew 11:28-29.  If you have your Bibles, read along with me. I’m reading from the New Living Translation.

“Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”

Matthew 11:28-29

Whenever I hear “Find rest for your weary souls…” I just want to sit with my eyes closed and take a couple of deep breaths. I am so thankful God gives us rest for our weary souls.

I would venture to say that we are all carrying some heavy burdens right now. 

You may be a parent of a school-age child and you just found out your child will be continuing E-learning for the rest of the school year. 

You may be a parent or grandparent of a high school senior who will not experience their end of year banquets and graduation ceremony. 

You may be someone who has lost a loved one these past few weeks from Covid19. 

You may be someone experiencing anxiety – wondering if you are going to have enough money to pay your bills. 

I am so sorry you are going through all of this. 

When I read the words, “Come to me…” I picture God opening his arms wide open and saying “come here… let me take those burdens, let me take all those stresses. Please come… let me give you rest. 

Friends, you were not meant to carry these burdens alone. God is waiting for you to give it all to Him so He will give you rest in the middle of the mess! 

There’s one more scripture I want to share with you…. it’s found in  2 Corinthians 4:8-9 it says “We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.” 

Remember, God is with you. He will never abandon you!! 

Will you pray with me? 

Oh precious Heavenly Father, Thank you for being with us this day. Thank you for Word and for your encouragement each day. 

Today, I pray you will be with everyone who is listening to the sound of my voice. I pray you will wrap your arms around them. I pray you will hold them close and allow them to feel your presence. Oh Lord, 

  • I pray for friends who have lost loved ones, hold them close, Dear Lord.  
  • Health care professionals and scientists who are diligently working on a vaccine for this virus.
  • I pray for all those who Are on the front lines: first responders, doctors and nurses, people responsible for cleaning the hospitals and nursing home facilities. 
  • For those who have lost jobs
  • I pray for wisdom for our state and national leaders as they continue to work together to re-open our country.

Oh Father, thank you for the privilege to come to you in prayer. We ask these things in Jesus name, Amen. 

Thanks for joining me today! 

I hope you know that you are loved! 

Have a blessed day! 

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Romans 15:4-5 | Patience

This is from my April 20, 2020 Facebook Live Post

I think we are entering into week 5 or 6 of our stay at home orders. I know we are all a little wary of staying in, but I feel we have to be patient and trust God’s plan.

Today I thought it would be fitting to talk about PATIENCE.  The passage I will be reading is from Romans 15:4-5.  If you have your Bibles, read along with me. I’m reading from the New Living Translation.

“Such things were written in the Scriptures long ago to teach us. And the Scriptures give us hope and encouragement as we wait patiently for God’s promises to be fulfilled. May God, who gives this patience and encouragement, help you live in complete harmony with each other, as is fitting for followers of Christ Jesus.”

Romans 15:4-5

What is patience? The dictionary defines it as “the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.”

Waiting and having patience during seasons like this pandemic is VERY hard. Honestly, patience is probably the Fruit of the spirit I struggle with the most. I love how Katherine J Butler describes patience; “Patience is an active  choice to gracefully wait for something to unfold.” 

I know many of you are frustrated with your current situation. Most of you are with your family 24/7 and you would love to get away for an hour to have coffee with a friend or go on a date with your spouse.

Hang in there. This too shall pass. God will get us through this! He is working all things together. God is using this time to grow us in our faith and in our patient endurance! 

Will you pray with me? 

Oh precious Heavenly Father, Thank you for being with us this day. Thank you for being a God who gives us patience and provides encouragement along the way.

Today, I pray you will be with everyone who is listening to the sound of my voice. I pray you will wrap your arms around them. I pray you will hold them close and allow them to feel your presence. 

Oh Lord, 

  • I pray for friends who have lost loved ones, hold them close, Dear Lord.  
  • I pray for Health care professionals and scientists who are diligently working on a vaccine for this virus.
  • I pray for all those who are on the front lines: first responders, doctors and nurses, people responsible for cleaning the hospitals and nursing home facilities. 
  • For everyone who has lost jobs
  • I pray for our state and national leaders as they work on a plan on getting people back to work and our economy going. 
  • I pray for family members experiencing health crises right now. I especially want to lift up my mother in law and my uncle Mike. Lord, you know their needs. I trust you will provide. 

Oh Father, thank you for the privilege to come to you in prayer. We ask these things in Jesus name, Amen. 

Thanks for joining me today! 

I hope you know that you are loved! 

Have a blessed day! 

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An Invitation to Stillness and Peace

Bible, Journal and drawing of a mended heart
My Bible, journal and a mended heart

I went on a three-day spiritual retreat in September 2018. I had no idea when I got to my cabin that I would find a book that would help me on my journey to healing. I knew God was calling me to a time of solitude and stillness. I had never done a spiritual retreat and didn’t know what to expect. When I opened the book, An Invitation to Retreat, by Ruth Haley Barton, I found the reason why God called me to this time of solitude. This book was just placed in that cabin the week before I came. I don’t think it was a coincidence. There was a poem, “The Knapsack,” that talked about not grieving losses and how these losses are carried around in a knapsack.

As I read this poem, I began to weep. I realized this poem was about me. I had stuffed so many of my losses and had not really dealt with my grief.

You see, nine months before, in January 2018, I went on a one day retreat. My “goal” for the retreat was to spend some time in God’s word, some time in prayer and then do some ministry planning.

As I got to the cabin on that snowy January day, there was a sign above the door.

“The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”

Exodus 14:14

Wow.  God was calling me to stillness and solitude. Nine months later, I was ready to be still and wait for Him.

As I looked at my knapsack, I saw all kinds of loss. I know I wasn’t good at grieving my losses. I began to unpack my knapsack and lay it all at the Lord’s feet.

  • The loss of leaving a great church and community in Indiana
  • The loss of friendships we held dear
  • Selling our home and moving across the country
  • The loss of stability and comfort
  • The loss of financial stability
  • Empty Nesting
  • The loss of my dad
  • Loss of what “was to be” at our church in Arizona.
  • Loss of relationships we formed in Arizona
  • Moving across the country again…

I went to bed that night thinking of all the losses my husband and I had experienced. When I woke up the next morning, I noticed there was a cross on the wall in front of me. God quickly reminded me that I had not grieved the loss of my dad.

When he died on February 2, 2016, we traveled home, laid him to rest and then went back to Arizona within a week’s time. When I got back to Arizona, I hit the ground running. I was in charge of a blood drive our church was hosting the following Sunday. Two weeks later was a ground-breaking ceremony for our new children’s ministry and student ministry space. As I look back, it was a jam-packed month. In the midst of all that, Kevin interviewed and started a position at Facebook.

That morning, once I started my coffee and sat down to pray, I began praying that God would begin to bring healing to my broken heart. At one point, I looked across the room and I saw the drawing of two hands holding a broken heart. The scripture passage was

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”

Psalm 147:3

As I sat in quiet reflection, walking through the losses, God spoke to me and told me he was mending each one.

Since leaving that three-day retreat, I have had such a hunger to spend time with God in solitude and stillness. I know God is growing my roots deeper. He is doing a new work in me… so he can do His work through me.  I am so thankful for the Lord’s provision. For helping me unpack my knapsack.  He has called me to share my journey. If you have experienced loss, my prayer for you is that you would take time to be still before the Lord. 

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Moving On

In the middle of December 2018, my husband and I moved. Yes..we were a little crazy! This was a long-anticipated move for us! We had been living with my mom in since we moved to Ohio in July 2016.

Our move back to Ohio was so good for us and for my mom too. My dad passed away in February of that year. We were able to help her adjust to living on her own and she helped us while we were living on just my income. Little did we know it would take a year and a half for my husband to find full-time employment.

Before our move from Arizona to Ohio, I was doing my devotions on our patio when I read Jeremiah 29:11-14. It says,

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. I will be found by you,” says the Lord. “I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes. I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you and will bring you home again to your own land.”

We have learned a lot these past three and a half years. Our faith has been tested as we walked through the valley. Yet, we know God was with us every step. And today… I am praising God for his promises and answered prayer. We are moving on!!!!