This question came out of my Emotionally Healthy Spirituality Devotional this morning. As I sat in the stillness of the morning pondering this question, I realized how much God has expanded the territory of my soul this past year.
I’ve had some rough years. In the last four years, my husband and I had two big cross-country moves, my dad passed away and we suffered financial losses. Looking back, I know I suffered from depression. I had hit a wall. I didn’t realize until recently how the grief and losses had a hold on me.
On a September spiritual retreat, God allowed me space to work through my losses. I felt a breakthrough! On the other side of that wall, God expanded the territory of my heart. He healed my sorrow. He used that moment to give me a “Spiritual Awakening”.
I can see how God is continuing to do a work in me. Throughout the year, I have sensed God is doing something new. He has consistently put Isaiah 43:19 in front of me.
“For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?’’
Isaiah 43:19
I can not wait to see what will be birthed out of my past losses. I believe he is enlarging my soul so he can do a new work through me.
I went on a three-day spiritual retreat in September 2018. I had no idea when I got to my cabin that I would find a book that would help me on my journey to healing. I knew God was calling me to a time of solitude and stillness. I had never done a spiritual retreat and didn’t know what to expect. When I opened the book, An Invitation to Retreat, by Ruth Haley Barton, I found the reason why God called me to this time of solitude. This book was just placed in that cabin the week before I came. I don’t think it was a coincidence. There was a poem, “The Knapsack,” that talked about not grieving losses and how these losses are carried around in a knapsack.
As I read this poem, I began to weep. I realized this poem
was about me. I had stuffed so many of my losses and had not really dealt with
my grief.
You see, nine months before, in January 2018, I went on a one day retreat. My “goal” for the retreat was to spend some time in God’s word, some time in prayer and then do some ministry planning.
As I got to the cabin on that snowy January day, there was a sign above the door.
“The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”
Exodus 14:14
Wow. God was calling me to stillness and solitude. Nine months later, I was ready to be still and wait for Him.
As I looked at my knapsack, I saw all kinds of loss. I know
I wasn’t good at grieving my losses. I began to unpack my knapsack and lay it
all at the Lord’s feet.
The loss of leaving a great church and community in Indiana
The loss of friendships we held dear
Selling our home and moving across the country
The loss of stability and comfort
The loss of financial stability
Empty Nesting
The loss of my dad
Loss of what “was to be” at our church in Arizona.
Loss of relationships we formed in Arizona
Moving across the country again…
I went to bed that night thinking of all the losses my husband and I had experienced. When I woke up the next morning, I noticed there was a cross on the wall in front of me. God quickly reminded me that I had not grieved the loss of my dad.
When he died on February 2, 2016, we traveled home, laid him to rest and then went back to Arizona within a week’s time. When I got back to Arizona, I hit the ground running. I was in charge of a blood drive our church was hosting the following Sunday. Two weeks later was a ground-breaking ceremony for our new children’s ministry and student ministry space. As I look back, it was a jam-packed month. In the midst of all that, Kevin interviewed and started a position at Facebook.
That morning, once I started my coffee and sat down to pray, I began praying that God would begin to bring healing to my broken heart. At one point, I looked across the room and I saw the drawing of two hands holding a broken heart. The scripture passage was
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
Psalm 147:3
As I sat in quiet reflection, walking through the losses, God spoke to me and told me he was mending each one.
Since leaving that three-day retreat, I have had such a
hunger to spend time with God in solitude and stillness. I know God is growing
my roots deeper. He is doing a new work in me… so he can do His work through
me. I am so thankful for the Lord’s
provision. For helping me unpack my knapsack.
He has called me to share my journey. If you have experienced loss, my
prayer for you is that you would take time to be still before the
Lord.
In the middle of December 2018, my husband and I moved. Yes..we were a little crazy! This was a long-anticipated move for us! We had been living with my mom in since we moved to Ohio in July 2016.
Our move back to Ohio was so good for us and for my mom too. My dad passed away in February of that year. We were able to help her adjust to living on her own and she helped us while we were living on just my income. Little did we know it would take a year and a half for my husband to find full-time employment.
Before our move from Arizona to Ohio, I was doing my devotions on our patio when I read Jeremiah 29:11-14. It says,
“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. I will be found by you,” says the Lord. “I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes. I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you and will bring you home again to your own land.”
We have learned a lot these past three and a half years. Our faith has been tested as we walked through the valley. Yet, we know God was with us every step. And today… I am praising God for his promises and answered prayer. We are moving on!!!!
When I was younger, I would roll my eyes whenever my mom would say, “My how time flies!” Now, as I celebrate ten years as your children’s pastor, I find myself saying the same thing. Our time in children’s ministry began before I came on staff. Kevin and I helped in preschool and elementary classes. When North went south to Anderson High school, I got to coordinate some of the children’s classes. During that time, we’ve seen babies become teenagers. Children have become adults. Some of those kids we first taught are bringing their own babies into the nursery.
When I came on staff, my son was eleven and my daughter was seven years old. Today, Garrett is twenty-one years old and a junior at Anderson University. Mariah is seventeen and a junior at Pendleton Heights. We have our children for just a minute, and then they’re grown!
Time is so precious! If a child came into children’s ministry every Sunday and Wednesday for the last ten years, he or she would have spent 1,000 hours in ministry. That seems like a lot of hours, until your realize that is equal to just over forty, twenty-four hour days. Out of ten years, TRAKs has less than two months of time to teach our children about Jesus! (And that’s if the child is at church twice a week, every week we’re open!) We don’t have much time!
And parents have little time as well. Between birth and graduation, a parent has 940 Sunday’s with their child. Parents need to get serious with the time they have now! It will be gone before they know it. Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. Psalm 90:12 (NIV)
Psalm chapter ninety is a prayer of Moses. The Bible says Moses lived to be 120 years old. Yet, he is talking in this chapter of how we are so fragile and gone in an instant. It isn’t the kind of thing you’d expect from an old guy that didn’t get a new career as deliverer and law giver until he was eighty years old! Moses knew that time mattered.
Take the time to teach your kids what matters most. We at TRAKs love to see your children come through the door. We also know we have even less time with them to teach them about what matters than you do.
Parents, may your prayer be that you realize how short you have your children. We live in a world that distracts us from the things that matter most. TV, the internet, academic pursuits and sports all compete for a child’s time. Parents have those distractions and work and family. It can be easy to let spiritual pursuits take a back seat if you aren’t reminded how short time really is.
We must fight for what’s important. We tend to make what matters—matter more. If we truly believe Jesus saved us, then we owe it to the children to share that good news with them. God knew our time with our kids is short and how easy it is for us to get distracted. He spoke through Moses to all generations in Deuteronomy, chapter six: Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates. Deuteronomy 6:4–8 (NIV)
Our relationship with God is just too important to let it become a low priority. Even more important, our children’s relationship with God is too important to let it become an afterthought.
