It all began on the afternoon of May 19.
Out of nowhere, I was hit with intense pain in my lower abdomen. If you know me, you know I have a pretty high pain tolerance. My instinct is to push through, and that’s exactly what I did.
After all, it was a busy week. Our daughter was flying in from Alabama for her best friend’s wedding—a wedding I had the privilege of officiating. Within a day or two, the pain eased, and I convinced myself it had passed. As we enjoyed the beautiful wedding, we treasured every moment with our daughter.
I had no idea this was only the beginning of a journey God was about to take me on.
The following Tuesday, it happened again. The same intense pain came without warning. Just as before, it eventually subsided, and I tried to carry on with my normal routine.
But the following Sunday was different.
The pain became so severe that I could no longer endure it, so I asked my husband to take me to the emergency room. After I was settled into a room, the medical team administered pain medication and sent me for a CT scan. The results revealed two masses in my pelvic area—each about the size of an orange.
In that moment, everything changed.
I was referred to a gynecologist and scheduled for an appointment the following Wednesday.
My gynecologist ordered an ultrasound to help determine what was causing the pain and what the next steps should be. After reviewing the results, she explained that I had a few treatment options. Then she said something I wasn’t expecting—she wanted to refer me to a gynecologic oncologist, a specialist who handles more complex gynecologic cases.
She never said she thought I had cancer. In fact, she was careful not to alarm me. But the moment I heard the word oncologist, everything else seemed to fade into the background.
My mind raced.
Why an oncologist?
Does this mean I have cancer?
In an instant, fear filled the space where certainty had once been. Questions I never imagined asking became impossible to ignore, and I found myself stepping into the unknown with more uncertainty than answers.
More Questions
My appointment with the gynecologic oncologist was scheduled for the following Monday. Those few days of waiting felt much longer than they actually were. My mind kept drifting to the unknown, wondering what I would hear and what it could mean for my future.
When I finally sat in his office, he was kind, thorough, and direct. After asking a few questions and reviewing my scans, he recommended a complete hysterectomy as the best course of action. He also reassured me that nothing on the scans appeared especially concerning.
His words should have brought immediate relief.
But fear doesn’t always listen to facts.
Even with his reassurance, one question continued to echo in the back of my mind: What if there’s cancer growing inside my body that no one can see yet?
It was amazing how quickly my imagination could outrun the evidence. I wanted certainty, but certainty wasn’t available. So I took the next step and trusted God with the answers I didn’t yet have.
The Disclosure
At first, I only wanted to share the news with my pastor and a few close friends. When I told my pastor, he gently challenged me.
“Paula, you need to share this with the staff, the elders, and the prayer team.”
My first thought was, Oh…okay. This feels a little personal. You know…female stuff.
But the Lord quickly challenged my thinking. Why was I trying to carry this alone? People couldn’t pray for me if they didn’t know. God had surrounded me with a church family who loved me, and I needed to let them in.
I am so thankful that I did. Being surrounded by people who genuinely love you, faithfully pray for you, and walk with you through each step of the journey is deeply comforting. I experienced the body of Christ tangibly, and I would not have wanted to go through this alone.
The surgery wasn’t scheduled for another month, and at first I wondered how I would make it through the waiting. How do you live with unanswered questions? How do you move forward when the “what ifs” seem louder than the facts?
Surpassing Peace
Then something unexpected happened.
Instead of being consumed by fear, I experienced a peace I can only describe as a gift from God. That peace became the clearest sign that He was with me in the waiting. It wasn’t because my circumstances had changed. In fact, nothing had changed except my heart.
Each day, the Lord gently reminded me that He was already in the future I was so worried about. He met me in the waiting and replaced my anxiety with a quiet confidence that He was holding me, no matter what the outcome would be. That is what carried me through.
One passage of Scripture became my anchor throughout that month:
“I wait quietly before God, for my victory comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will never be shaken.”
Psalm 62:1–2 (NLT)
Those words became more than a verse I read—they became a prayer I lived. They reminded me that my peace wasn’t found in a favorable diagnosis or a successful surgery. My peace was found in the unchanging character of God. He was my Rock. He was my salvation. He was my fortress. And because of Him, even in the middle of uncertainty, I would not be shaken. That was the truth I needed most.
Inner Healing
One week ago, I underwent my hysterectomy. While my body is still healing and recovery will take time, the season of waiting has finally come to an end. This week, I received the call I had been praying for—my pathology report was completely benign.
Praise God! Thank You, Jesus. You truly are the Great Physician. I am overwhelmed with gratitude for His faithfulness, His peace throughout the waiting, and for the countless prayers, encouragement, and love so many of you have shown our family.
My physical healing is still a work in progress. From the outside, you would never know I had major surgery just a week ago. Other than five small incisions and a few fading bruises, I look much the same. But on the inside, it’s a very different story. My body is still healing.
As I’ve reflected on that, I’ve realized how closely physical healing mirrors spiritual and emotional healing. So often, we judge by what we can see, yet the deepest wounds are invisible. We can’t always see the brokenness someone is carrying, the weight of grief, or the pain of loss. Those unseen hurts often show that the soul needs healing. God often works most deeply there.
Just because someone looks fine on the outside doesn’t mean they aren’t fighting a battle on the inside. Healing – whether physical, emotional, or spiritual – takes time, grace, and the loving presence of God.
As I continue to heal, I find myself thanking God not only for the outcome, but for His presence throughout the journey. He reminded me that His peace is not dependent on our circumstances but on His unchanging character.
If you’re walking through a season of uncertainty, waiting, grief, or pain, I pray you’ll remember that God is with you there too. He sees the wounds no one else can see, He understands every fear you carry, and He is faithful to walk beside you every step of the way.
Sometimes His greatest miracle isn’t just the healing He brings to our bodies – it’s the peace He gives to our hearts while we wait. That is the lesson I will carry forward.
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